WE ARE BROKEN

Archive for the ‘broken dreams’ Category

But first we have to establish where we want to go and have a definite time frame regarding when we want to accomplish them.  From there we will have to determine what steps we will need to make to get us to our potential dreams. 

An example of this is if we decide we want to be a teacher; we know it will take us four years to get our Bachelor’s Degree.  If we wish to get our Degree more quickly we may have to attempt to take more than the recommended courses each semester.  We might also enroll in a summer semester as well.  The Teacher’s Practicum Program differs in length depending on which university we are enrolled in so this may determine where we go.  This potential dream can be broken down into short-term goals by determining which classes to take by a certain date with the long-term completion being done within a definite time period. 

If instead our long-term goal may be to own a home in a particular neighborhood by the time we are forty; if we are only twenty-five we would have to determine what our short-term goals will be in order to achieve this dream.  What position we are in when we first establish this as a future dream will determine what necessary steps will need to be taken to accomplish our reality.  If for example we have neither education, job or a starter home, the task will be a little more daunting.  It may be at that time necessary to make the decision of whether the goal is realistic.  But it need not be considered an unrealistic goal if the time frame is of a sufficient length.  A job would be the first step towards achieving the final accomplishment; secondly it will be necessary to begin a savings program for the down payment of a starter home, perhaps a condo, and then to gradually build from there.

Long-term goals can be determined for ten, twenty or thirty years in the future.  Whatever the length of time determined for accomplishment of the goal, it is always important to have at least one dream because without a dream, life will have no zest for us.  A goal can be based on a career, education, our financial situation or a personal dream such as being married or having children by a certain age.  

Once the ultimate dream has been determined, stepping stones to accomplishing the goal can be broken down into achievable segments.  During this process daily, monthly and yearly lists become useful tools, reminders and motivators.

But it is important to remember to stay focused when we have goals and to never let our dreams die.

The day dawns and in the early morning there is a strong sense of peacefulness that permeates across the expanses. The sky is new and clean, the colors are crisp and fine in detail. We look towards a slight hill and see where open grassy fields meet a wooded area. Mist sits heavy in spots that are the lowest amongst the tree trunks. There is every so slight a breeze that plays with the mist, making it appear as though the mist has fingers that move to some unheard song. The wooded land is made from many trees standing tall together. There are bushes and plants that live amongst the tree roots, giving the floor of the woods a touch of life that is reflective of the splendor of life that is the canopy above. This wooded place holds an appeal that draws us towards it. So peaceful it looks from the outside. Songs grow louder in our approach as the many birds that celebrate the new day chirp out their pleasures. These trees are filled with life and there are so many possibilities therein. One can only move to enter these woods and see what it holds within its borders.

The air is cooler in the woods; Cooler but not unpleasant. There are trees of many varieties growing together. The dew drips from leaf and needle in irregular rhythms adding to the sounds of the forest. Life is teaming in every way within these trees. We make our way with little effort to the center of this place. There is a tree that stands taller then the others. It has a thick trunk and branches heavily laden with so many leafs. Hands on hips, neck arched back as far as it goes, we look up and up to try to take in the wonder of this beautiful tree. Standing there, breathing in the fresh air, surrounded by the music of life that is this forest, stretching our arms out as big as we can, we close our eyes and take a big breath of air. We are struck with the thought that all is perfect here beneath this great tree in the center of these woods. We call out to no one in particular ‘this is perfect’. And land on our backside in surprise when we are answered ‘what is perfect?’.

From its great height, the tree that stands so much taller then the rest bends forward, revealing a giant face in the wood. A face who’s great eyes are focused on us as it moves close to see who is at its trunk. What does one do when a tree suddenly comes alive and begins to speak? In a slow speaking voice, it repeats its question, “What is perfect?” What does one do? …One answers the question. We say what we have observed. We tell the tree, “This place is perfect. The air is fresh and clean. There is life in everything. The trees here are full of beauty and live harmoniously together. There is only the sense of peace in these woods.”

The tree replies in its deep, rich voice, “Ahhh. I see. You see peace and harmony do you?” Extending a branch that is wide and sturdy he says, “Come, perch upon my limb so that I may show you a thing or two.” When a great tree asks for you to sit on one of its branches, it is a good bet that the best thing to do in a situation such as that, is to adhere to its request and sit on its branch. High up into the tree tops we are lifted. From here we can see the expanse of this forest. The great tree speaks to us again and says, “What am I? Am I a tree or am I a forest? All around me I see trees. Every tree is my idea and my creation. I have many ideas and therefore many trees are present. In each tree, there is my dream. Look to the west…” He adjusts us so that we may better see towards the west. “… There, you see that tree with no leaves. The one that the sun has bleached white and that has fallen against the tree beside it, which in turn, has been pushed into the tree beside it. That is a dream the coldness of life has killed. Not only is it dead, it effects and weighs down the dreams around it.” We are moved towards the north. The great tree says, “There, in the north, you see several trees that are smaller then the rest. Their needles and leaves are sparse. They can not grow into fullness. The soil there is not rich enough to give the opportunity for them to grow into fullness. Those are my dreams as well.” We are then shown the trees to the south. The great tree continues, “There is a hollow over there. In it the trees compete to get the most sun so that they may grow fuller then the rest. See how their branches crossover each other so that they may prevail. Those trees use much of their resources to prevail and in doing so, they hold each other back. Those are dreams that are in conflict with one another. Those are parts of me. I see this happen yet I feel unable to stop it from continuing.” The branch we sit upon is moved towards the great face of the tree. It says, “What say you now? Is it harmony you still see?”

Glancing around us at the forest, now light by the mid morning sun, we see the trees with new eyes. Looking back to the face of the great tree we say, “You asked the question whether you are a tree or a forest. It is confusing to us what the answer may be. The trees around you are your dreams. You showed us a broken dream, dreams that are not possible, and dreams that interfere with each other. We can only see these woods as something very much different from what we saw before you revealed to us its nature. Still, is there not a harmony found here? There are many trees that are strong and have reached fullness is there not? Isn’t there still a balance of good and bad?”

The great tree responds after making a long sighing sound. “There is truth in what you say, to be sure. But I can not find myself anymore among my dreams. I have so many and no longer can see the tree from the forest. Dreams have a way of interacting with themselves that leave me feeling as though I am without the choice of what dream I desire most of all. I want to feel important and strong and that I matter. My dreams are so many that I have forgotten where they begun and I left off. I am a forest I think and a tree no longer. How can I be important and strong and matter now I ask.”

Looking at the saddened face of the great tree we experience its pain. “Great tree…” We say, “You are important. You are strong. And most important of all, you do matter. You are the dreamer and your dreams are what you make them to be. You are a tree and this forest is you. Dreams may come and go and are always subject to the world around you but you are the source of this creation. There is life abundant in you and beauty surrounds you. It may be that you have only forgotten to look at it in this way. You did not show us the east. We can see form here that in the east, your dreams are strong and are full in their splendor. If you were to stand alone, you would still be magnificent. Your dreams, all of them in every direction, add to your magnificence. It is easy to see a forest and not a tree but that does not reduce the meaning of you, the dreamer. You are every potential that can be and have opened the way to greatness by allowing your dreams to be as they may be. Some dreams work out, some don’t but every dream is a part of you. And it is plain to see that new dreams are always being seeded here. Yes great tree, we still see perfection here. You are perfect in being.”

The great tree closed it eyes and stood taller, remaining quiet for a few moments. Making a sound like the wind moving through its leaves, it appeared the tree was pleased with our words. Slow beads of sap began to weep from the corners of its eyes. The branch that was our perch is lowered to the ground and we step off. The great tree bends so that it may face us and says, “Thank you my friends. You have reminded me who I am again. I have always been that which I have wanted to be the most. I allowed myself to be distracted by my dreams, losing myself by holding on to the very ideas I created. My forest is made from all manners of my thoughts, but are not greater then I. I see now I must allow them to be but give them the freedom to be without rooting them too deeply in my own expression o
f being. I will always be the dreamer and my dreams are the foliage that decorate my existence. I am glad you entered my dreams today. You have helped me greatly.”

Feeling a warm rush of pleasure from the great tree’s words, we reach out and touch the great trunk of this wonderful tree. “It is our greatest joy to have entered your world and to have seen your splendor. All are subject to these same troubles in life. We all lose ourselves in our dreams great one and all need a friend from time to time to help us see who we are. You have helped us just as much and for that we are grateful. Thank you for sharing with us your dreams this day. You are what matters and your dreams reflect that. And this forest is a beautiful world of dreams.”

The sun tells us it is past noon. The day has warmed considerably. We leave this great place for home and we take with us the sense that everyone is the dreamer. The dreamer creates the dreams and the dreams exemplify the dreamer. We mustn’t allow ourselves to over identify with our dreams less we loose our sense of who we are. Life is a splendid in its many acts and those acts dreamt should be shaped by us and not us by them. The dreamer is like the wind in the trees and the dreams need only to shake and rustle like leaves to come into fullness. And there is nothing more important then knowing that.

Marriage is about a commitment for life. Why else would anyone enter into it?

It is the toughest commitment any person will ever make in his lifetime and making a marriage work, taking it the distance, is the hardest work you will ever do.

That doesn’t sound so great does it? Yet it is.

That which is worth the most takes the hardest work to accomplish and nothing is worth more than a solid marriage and all which that encompasses.

When the first flush of love grabs hold, true love felt within the heart and soul, body and mind, nothing seems impossible and nothing is, where that love is concerned. The first flush is what causes us to step in.

The honeymoon ends then time and life happens which can wreak all kinds of havoc to a marriage.

Careers happen.

Perhaps children happen, a mortgage, or a bigger mortgage with a bigger house… bills, bills, bills.

Demands on time happens.

The days don’t have enough hours in them. The years slip by.

Maybe careers grow … more demands. Maybe they falter… stress. Babies cry, then grow… demanding more and more time. Stress.

Nerves are tested. Maybe some break.

What seems to be a drifting apart may naturally happen during these busy years, but if that love that caused you to step in was real, it is there. It doesn’t go away.

The trick is to remember that and trust it enough to make yourself vulnerable enough to be honest enough to always stay open to your mate.

There is nothing more valuable than honesty in marriage, whether it be about feelings… something that irritates you or makes you just plain angry or sad or forlorn or happy…. or something so huge and ugly you don’t dare tell anyone, or a dream so outrageously extravagant it is embarrassing.

Don’t hide any of it.

Trust that love.

If it was real then it is now and the more you trust it the greater it will grow and you will find a friend in your mate that you never would have imagined could exist … in time.

A true marriage is a test of patience and forgiveness, two qualities most all of us have trouble with.. especially patience in times of stress, followed immediately in rank by forgiveness.

How much easier it seems to be to hang onto those feelings of anger or hurt or sadness or revenge or arrogance when our mate does something that seems so completely insane or unreasonable… than to step back from all those emotions and know that he/she too is human with human faults and weaknesses .. a human who needs in those times of unsettled behavior that friend more than ever.. that friend which is you.

You also need to be patient with yourself.. and learn to forgive yourself.

We do and say things impulsively in the heat of passion. Be patient as you work to control that . All those things we say out of the emotion of the moment and don’t really mean can haunt us for a long time.

Say you are sorry, accept the apology, know you have been forgiven, then work to forgive yourself.

Marriage is fifty – fifty.

How many times have you heard that?

You may think it is a far cry from that but if you stand back and see the full picture, you will see how it is true.

The times you are down, your mate is more likely than not there to pull you up without even knowing it. The times he/ she is down, you are standing upright. You may not realize that even, in the midst of a hard time, but in hind sight you will see that is true.

Fifty – fifty.

In the middle of all of this life happening there are all the light happy times that seem to be overshadowed and forgotten when the hard times hit, for we like to feel sorry for ourselves and hang onto all those negative feelings.

We want to “get back at”, cause the same hurt, the same anguish.

It is hard to let go of that but how much easier it is to do after we have done it once, to stand back from those destructive feelings and forgive.

Don’t let those negative feelings overshadow all the good times.

Those are the times when you need to remember those happy times more than ever. Those memories will pull you through.. helping you to again look to the complete human in that body of that person you married.

None of us are immune to anything, remember that. Anything can happen to any of us. We are tested everyday of our lives with something adverse, even if it is just in thought.

Remember why you got married.

Remember the commitment you made.

Remember your mate is as human as you are.

Patience. Find it. It is in you.

Forgiveness. We all need it. None of us is better than the next and who would you want to forgive more than your spouse?

We all want the “ideal”. There is no such thing.

In marriage, there are two people committed to each other for life whom are two individuals who need to be who they are and need to be allowed to be who they are.

Don’t give in to the hard times. Plow through them. With each battle won you will have found deeper respect for each other. The love you had for each other so long ago which caused you to make that committed step will have grown to a depth that becomes the truest friendship on earth.

No matter what you have to weather in your marriage, that friendship you will have gained in the long term will be worth every moment.

You will step out into air that is as clear and light as any you will ever hope to breathe and you will know you have made it, for better or for worse, two human beings whose differences have come to balance each other like magic, with a respect for each other that words cannot define, committed to each other for life.

It is the most rewarding commitment you can ever hope to make.

If you are reading this ..  your marriage is in trouble ..or maybe broken already.

In either case…. there IS help.. and you can get that help from HERE. … “The Magic Of Making Up…How To Fix Your Broken Relationship”.

A true love comes around only once.  Do what you must to preserve it.  Nothing is more worhwhile.